Dating guarded women
You have to pay attention to the little things he does, just like HE has to pay attention to the little things you do since you won't be open with him, either.
For him to be guarded, you need to understand and truly internalize that he has FEARS inside his head, just like you have FEARS.
Sometimes I start questioning why I should even make an effort when I dont know if hes making an effort (by effort I meaning moving outside of ones comfort zone), but I guess the dinner proves hes trying. You will sabotage this relationship and then feel even more scared at the next one.
Hes the one who typically calls/texts first in order to make plans. You will sabotage this relationship and then feel even more scared at the next one. I just act like I always do if I'm dating someone who seems a bit standoffish or shy. It would be selfish and immature if I was holding back out of principle, but Im not.
I am going to try to give more, but it will be forced and preconceived, so I don't know how effective it will be.
It would be selfish and immature if I was holding back out of principle, but Im not.
He may worry that if he gets carried away, he won't be able to keep things going at a slow pace to get to know you before he gets attached. What I'm reading in your postings is a lack of clarity. I think it's just a matter of time before I feel comfortable that he's in it for the right reasons.
You're in a bit of a pickle, since you're both this way.
THANK him when he does something nice for you, no matter how small or insignificant. He cooked dinner for me the other the night and admitted that he doesnt cooks. I let him know how much I appreciated this, but Im never sure how I come across.He may worry that if he gets carried away, he won't be able to keep things going at a slow pace to get to know you before he gets attached. I too respond better to someone more open than myself.The guy I'm dating would probably respond better to someone more open as well, which makes me think we're not right for each other.Any suggestions on how to discuss us both opening up more? Think of it this way: instead of requiring that he LEAD you (by telling you that he cares about you so that you will follow his lead), think of it as the two of you helping each other through.
This is stressing me out because I feel like I’m wasting an opportunity to connect with a guy I actually like. Think of it this way: instead of requiring that he LEAD you (by telling you that he cares about you so that you will follow his lead), think of it as the two of you helping each other through. Make sure you two are on the same page to the extent you can be. He's not leading, you're not leading - you're holding each others' hand through it together. If you can't do physical affection, then try another way.
I think your guy isn't as affectionate as you'd like, because he doesn't want to get carried away. Maybe if you lead with a little more confidence each time, it'll bring him some confidence too. This is the quote which impelled this reply: "Its not that I wont give more because Im purposely holding back; its that I dont know how to give more. They sucked the life out of me, whether purposefully or not. Its not so much a fog because I recognize whats going on with me in relationships. They were warm and giving, and this allowed me to open up. I dont take more than I give; Im pretty sure Ive never sucked the life out of anyone! He was distant and unemotional, yet I decided, probably for the first time ever, to open up entirely, almost immediately. I once dated a guy I liked a lot that was also emotionally guarded. The guy I'm seeing currently is a lot more open than I am, but not the most open I've ever dated.