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27-May-2017 20:07

That thing about the spurting is just one of the many sex facts you will learn about in my brand new videogaming column, which I have called Having Lots of Sex With Men in Videogames. Today’s game I am having lots of sex with men in is called No, Thank You!!!

So take my hand and join me on a sex-positive boy-romp as I explore the world of boning loads of dudes in different videogames. Just be aware that there’ll be terrible words and awful sexual imagery if you keep reading. In NTY you assume the role of Haru, a guy who lost his memory after pushing a man out of the way of an oncoming car.

It is better, after all, to watch the men having their nice sex after you’ve sat through twenty minutes of them discussing appropriate footwear for working behind a bar, as the tension gradually builds.

Now there are — I have been told — many places online where one can view images and videos of people having sex with one another, but games like NTY and other visual novels are more than simply pornography.

That term — feel free to use it, you are welcome — not only contains the noun “sex” but also the sexiest verb: “spurt”, which is a thing that happens to both penises and vaginas during sex.

What a sexy, intelligent and gender-ambivalent portmanteau, if I may briefly congratulate myself on coining it right here and now today.

NTY is more of a visual novel than a fully interactive game, sort of like a Choose Your Own Adventure book in which a decision only pops up every fifty pages, and that decision is usually which of the four men in the game you’d like to do a sex on at that given moment. When you’re not fingering or penetrating or tweaking or splorting, you’re reading hundreds of pages of amateur fiction and dialogue, set to a handful of sprites of boys in different poses against different backdrops.

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Casual groper Haru winds up working in a bar where he is gradually introduced to all of the cartoon men he intends to one-day pleasure using his hands, penis and mouth.

I would not be surprised if later in the story still you have sex with the car that knocked you down.

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