Why be friends before dating
Would you be devastated if she never spoke to you again?If the answer is, “we were just acquaintances and didn’t talk regularly” and you know it really wouldn’t bother you if the friendship was severed then we would recommend that you have a conversation with her just for “good faith” and then proceed.I’ve only dated a couple of people without knowing them first and it was a real struggle initially.It’s all fine and dandy for the first few weeks when you’re still basking in your astonishingly good pulling skills, but then you actually start to get to know each other…and you realise how different you are.If you break up with someone in your office, you’ll never be able to use the same water machine again.If you break up with someone in your friendship group, you’ll start a civil war between mates.And really, I think you can only spend a lot of time with someone who is already your mate.With the guy I dated from the bar, we used to see each other once a week for the first month before we agreed that we were exclusively a thing and started to up the ante. O however, we see each other every day – and I still can’t get enough (I know, vomit. By the time you start shagging/dating, you’re so comfortable with each other that there’s very still you can do or say to repulse the other.
Is your friend happy in her new relationship and has long moved on?I always felt kind of guilty about giving him such a hard time and actively trying to change him.Is it really OK to want to change anyone to mould them into a better partner? When you date guys you’re already mates with, however, you start from an advantage point. You know if their religious/political/moral views are the same as yours – and you know how to deal with them if they’re not.When you find that kind of stuff out as someone’s romantic partner however, your guard immediately goes up. But as a friend-cum-girlfriend/boyfriend, your eyes are wide open. I’ve never had an acrimonious split from a friend-turned-boyfriend because things have generally just run their course.
You’re under no illusion that you’re dating a saint and that’s OK. It’s very easy to conceal or merely not mention to new partners stuff that’s happened before because no one really wants to hear about their S. One guy turned out to be borderline homophobic and we had countless ‘debates’ where he’d say something that was definitely not OK and I’d pull him up on it – leading to full blown rows.He also had odd views on women’s roles…like the fact that he believed marital rape didn’t exist.There are times when someone will become attracted to a friend’s ex years after the relationship.